Pubs to Love:The Wellington, Brum

First stop on my way back from Walsall was to a pub that's rapidly established itself as a key player in the real ale scene - The Wellington in Birmingham.


And there's the rather splendid bar. Much more attractive than the outside which is fairly anonymous amongst the offices in this neck of the city.

I suppose I should come up with some convincing reasons why it's a Pub to Love. So, I've made up an arbitary scoring system.

1) The RS percentage: Out of the cask ales available, how many scoops are there for me? Does the beer range force me into a reluctant scoop, i.e. a tricky decision to drink what I really like or chance my luck on a new brew/brewer? Too many of my faves and I'll drink them all the session; too many scoops and I'll drink as many as possible and neglect my faves. I'm looking for a fifty-fifty split to make that scoop decision really reluctant.

2) The Noise-o-meter: Inoffensive background music and light chat will score well for a 'quiet' session. General hub-bub and matey chat will go down well for a 'louder' session.

Points deducted for braying businessmen (double deduction if braying is induced by drinking extra-cold nitro-swill 'lager'), boring tickers ("..well, I remember when Old Unobtainable was 5.6% and was a completely different beer, served fresh from the cask at the Itch & Crotch .."), and speech-driven radio programmes ("this morning's phone-in is on cystitis. Have you got it? Do you want it? Give us a call on...")

Points added for: playing my favourite music if that's what I want to listen to, restraint amongst groups of talkers not to end up shouting of the top of each other.

3) The Niffy Factor. With smoking now banned, other niffs persist. Open windows for a fresh breeze is good, exhaust fumes from the bus stop outside is bad. Hot beef cob aroma wafting around, excellent. Stinking chip fat, bogus. Wet dogs / wet tickers - gerrem out!

4) Bog off? Bolts on bog doors. No pools of piss on bog floors. Soap is good. Soap dispensers are better. Paper towels are useful - beer towel hanging on a nail notso.

5) First turn left by the station. I'm using public transport, so close to the railway / bus station is a huge positive. So, when the train / bus is late, there's time for a swift pint. Extra bonus points awarded for great pubs actually built into the station.

6) ESP. Or, Extra-Special Pub. What makes this place just a little different?

So then; the results for the Welly:

RS %: 65% scoops on this visit. The Welly gets through so many beers that this percentage can change before your very eyes (try it yourself, their beer list is broadcast online)

Noise-o-meter: Like a rough sea breaking onto a pebble beach; noisy in waves. But that's OK for a peak lunchtime visit.

Niffy?: Very much so. Sweaty business types and a few minging tickers. I never thought the Welly was that smoky, but it was obviously enough to cover up the other odours. It lacks ventilation; could become really ripe if the summer finally gets going.

Bog off: Clean, well provided for. They're just The Smallest Gents Pub Bogs In The World Ever (Probably)

1st turn left: About five minutes walk from New Street rail station, just off the main drag through Brum. Ideally placed for a flying visit.

ESP? Being able to take your own food in, anything from a sarnie up to a running buffet. Takeaways can be delivered to the pub - the pub provide plates and cutlery.

Overall: Delicious. Slightly ripe round the edges, but pubs are only just finding out how the smoking ban impacts in these ways. A must-stop-at pub if you're in the city - or even if you have half an hour at New Street to change trains